Let me start by saying that I’ve never been one to struggle with stick-to-itiveness.  That being said, I’ll adress the title of this blog right off. 

This is, by all means, a blog.  This is a way of communicating and sharing my feelings and ranting and blah, blah, blah with all of the people who I hope will seemingly appreciate it.  However, I’ve never been one for blogs.  On that note, I’ve never really been one to even read them, let alone truly appreciate them.  I never had a Xanga when I was younger, and the only reason I started a Tumblr was to repost the random things I laughed at through Stumble Upon.  

First admitted truth:  I’ve always been a very private person.  I stick to the belief that most feelings are personal and I truly scoff at the people now a days that feel they need to lash out or publicly display their personal feelings via social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, etc. I am hoping that will not become the purpose of my writings.  I’m really hoping, rather, that I can do one of the formerly mentioned perceived purposes of “the blog” and that is to connect.  I will admit that I will try and be a bit more open here and I’m hoping that it all can really be a way for me to get to know those who invest their time in following my tweets and status updates and band doings and all of that fun junk.

With that said, let’s start the iTunes shall we?

I was really hoping to start these off with rainbows and happy thoughts, but let’s get real, we live in a cynical world and cynicism has been the object of my thoughts lately.  Namely, I’ve had to dwell a lot on scrutiny.  It’s no secret that every action, big or small, is never going to be fully accepted or rejected by the masses.  I’m sorry up front for trying to sound intelligent, that’s not my intention at all.  I’ve always considered myself an intelligent person, but I also have come to the realization that most who think of themselves, and proclaim themselves for that matter, as intelligent are often the most naive of all.  Okay, okay side tracked.  

A couple days ago I posted the question to my Twitter followers:

It was the result of a particular action, as well as many others in the recent past that have led to judgement or condescension towards myself or others that I have noticed.  Surprisingly, I got some responses that were pretty well thought out.  Namely, a good friend from Chicago replied with:

“Jealousy, ethical high horse, Uncreative own thoughts. All lame reasons typically.”

It really was the perfect answer.  I didn’t really have to look past the first word to come to that conclusion.  Looking back on all the said occasions that made me start to dwell on this topic it seemed that they all could be directly tied in to jealousy.

It’s a sad reality really, that so much of the human makeup now a days is composed of jealousy.  It can be good or bad, driving people to sulk and lash out in negative ways; it can also drive people to do great things.  It can thrive competition and it can tear down morals.  I really feel like it is up to us as individuals to decide what we do with our emotions, and coming to this realization has really helped me strive to get things done and prove people wrong on so many different levels.

I’ll admit that when I initially tweeted the comment about scrutiny I was in the sulking stage.  I was tired of people judging me and I was tired of people drawing conclusions from my actions when they didn’t know the full story or the events that have led up to my actions.  They couldn’t see behind the curtain and it was for that reason that I was so upset.  In the end, I figured in the jealousy aspect and also realized that all along I was (subconsciously) expecting people to know all the “behind the scenes” stuff when in fact there was no way that they could and there was no way that I would even want them to.

Again, I’m sorry for the somber mood to this first post but I hope it’s been engaging none the less because it has been my life lately.  I tend to spend a lot fo time thinking, and beyond that I have the unfortunate habit of being an over thinker and letting things eat away at me way too much.  It’s fulfilling when I come to a realization like this one and I have to challenge myself now to keep a hold on that drive that it has instilled on me.  For those of you who are lost at this point because it seems like I’m writing aimlessly, it can be summed up in the fact that people’s moves are always scrutinized and primarily out of jealousy which in turn can either commit a person to dedication or make them fall on their face.

I’m out to disprove the nay sayers, I’m out to make something of myself, I’m out to write music that people will scream back at me from the largest AND the smallest stages.

Night y’all,

Nick